by DuhJuanYay

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Dedicated to the memory of Michelle Lynn Hammerle
Forever Loved...


released February 14, 2012

Produced by / Tommy and DuhJuanYay

Additional Production by /
Phillmeeh / “Cooked”
Nixon / “Old Fashion Love Song”
Dr. Krunkstable / “Everything” / “Closer to Love”

Recorded at / Purgatory Studios / Montague, MI

Additional Recording at /
The Green Room (RIP) / Muskegon, MI
Ashton Butcher Studios / Muskegon, MI
Mux Rec Studios / Muskegon, MI

Mixed, Mastered, and Engineered by / Tommy

All songs written by / DuhJuanYay
Except “Oh Well”, “The House Of Pain” , “Dreams”, “Stuck” and “Cooked” written by / DuhJuanYay and Tommy

Additional Guests:
DJ Eminent / “Face In the Clouds” / “Everything” / “The House of Pain” / “Devil Town” / “Old Fashion Love Song”
Chantron / “Lovers”
Didda / “Just One More” / “Oh Well”
Jeff Shannahan / “Oh Well”
Julee Hackney / “Oh Well”
Black Betty / “Oh Well”
Greggy Olson / “Oh Well”

The Mux Kids Choir / “Oh Well”
Alyza Winston / Aaliyah Winston / Hadden Gould / Justis Gould / Amelia Arnold / Sophia Arnold

Art Direction / SHREDD SPREAD

We jacked some shit from these artists:
John Frusciante / The Cure / Kele / Fucked Up / Nirvana / Joni Mitchell / Patrick Swayze / The xx / Daniel Johnston / Air / Slayer / The Smashing Pumpkins / Queen
EYEHATEGOD / The Rolling Stones / Primus / Her Space Holiday / Modern English / Ice Cube / House of Pain / Blink-182 / Deftones / Mother Love Bone



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Duhjuanyay Grand Rapids, Michigan

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Track Name: Face In The Clouds
How I was raised it’s a crutch for my behavior / Or maybe I’m just buying myself some time / When I was a minor / This shit was major / Then I searched for ways to reach the minds with my rhymes / I’m back to the exact point I was then / And I will be until I’m so suppressed / I finally drop to my knees I just bend ‘em / Help me send out a prayer for the depressed yes / The knack for this comes quite naturally / All I need is a little inspiration / I know I’ll ride this wave or lose it in the sea / My inspiration comes from recognizing devastation / Caught between nowhere and goodbye / Lifeless air and no will to survive / Keep your head high and realize / That no one will survive with no will to survive / Now we’re standing between death and goodbye / Life’s not fair but if you try you’ll survive / Look to the sky and let the beat pound / Stand ground and find her face in the clouds / There’s still an underlying fear I won’t get out of here / I know I thrive in abandonment / The sun seems so bright when your vision is crystal clear / Work 9 to 5 supporting music habits and paying the rent / Music it runs through every surface / It’s not a race I’m just trying to keep the pace / Most are quite unsure but I certainly am certain / Certain dreams you cannot take they won’t be erased / Depression is underrated when you love to hate it / The bottle of booze is always half gone / So I administrated verbal medication try to sedate it / Your memory will live on through every word of my songs…
Track Name: Oh Well
She could tell he was leaving on a jet plane / Bittersweet embrace his whiskers tickle her face / Please don’t go / She playfully insists / She fake resists / Her giggles get covered in kisses / Picks at the stickers on his suitcase / Best make haste because goodbye’s a never ending race / It’s not malicious / He does this for a living / And if there’s a kingdom of heaven he and her are in it / For a minute she will entertain the notion and go through the motions / By not questioning this mans devotion / She know he cares but when he’s gone she misses him so bad / So glad when he gets back he’ll do whatever she asks / She’s selfish by no means it’s just like that / It is a fact it rips him in half to see her like that / Reaches into his chest with a trembling hand / Here’s my heart love hold on tight your dad will be right back / We are what we are oh well / If the love inside dies / And it’s too much we close our eyes and hide / We do what we do so well / So long sever the ties / Break the silence / It’s too late to realize / He could tell she spent the last week in pain / He saw the pills but he chose to look the other way / Opens his eyes it’s a brand new day / Her hair on his pillowcase pushes the bad stuff away / Was never good at finding the right words to speak / And he was strong she was weak from her heart to her feet / Remembering the times they would play the game of life / Displayed proudly living loudly with his future wife / Runs his hands through her hair touches her face / Can’t help but to wonder if the monsters found her sleeping place / Today’s the day tomorrows too late / And if fate can keep the pace he and her are gonna run away / Shakes her once for fun and twice with love / The third could of passed as abuse to some / And she’s not waking up / Now he’s not breathing cause / Regret and realization rips out the guts / Jumped to his feet then fell to his knees / Impossible to make it right he screamed and felt no heartbeat / Opened the letter read the first few softly / I love you and me / The rest hit him with the melody / We gotta keep the love alive / Look to the sky watch the stars realign / So well we keep it inside / But we’re never gonna let it die…
Track Name: Dreams (Closer To Love)
There he stood a warrior amongst men / Battles glares and stares from the eyes of his friends / This here the means to his ends / The only way to lighten the load in his chest / Hopes his heart might mend / And if it don’t then he’ll die trying to pretend / He dreamt about it as a kid just needed reasons to push the pen / Watch the words turn into song / Everybody sing along / Seems like his time was well spent / Resilient and self-confident / Anyone who gets on stage he’s gotta tip his hat to ‘em / Found new ways to connect to represent his torment / Went from belligerent to confident / Small steps with a whole lot of time to kill / Went from opening shows to headlining bills / No ill-will just dedication and self-will / He makes his way uphill for the thrill then he realizes / This couldn’t be a dream / If it is don’t wake me up / Or interrupt / I’m so happy please don’t disrupt / I gotta catch up / On my Z’s / My dreams bring me closer to love / Over 100 faces at the show / Goes to show that if you plant it it will grow / Get a little closer / Don’t be shy There he stood full of rage spittin’ up spite / Ignite push back the square in the moonlight / Despite his efforts to quit life’s blights dulled his eyesight / Fed his addictive appetite / Equipped with a hate with a need to take flight / Probably never prayed because he wasn’t taught to do it right / Lost his sister in the fight of life / Recites a childhood prayer in 20 degrees that’s fahrenheit / Closes his eyes he wants to reunite / Despite previous efforts that failed he needs to expedite / Frostbite winter nippin’ felt like he was trippin / In hindsight recalls “Ive never dosed in my life” / Asked for a sign to prove she’s all right / Watched the streetlamp flicker on send a beam through the night / 3 quick ones “I love you” then a solid bright / “Steady I’m ready brother I’ll see you in the afterlife” / Instances like this they make me realize I’m fully alive / I just gotta do some waking up…
Track Name: Everything
What do you do when it’s too late to contemplate and replay the wasted days in your brain? / Refrain from trying to ease the pain / A simple phone call would have proved humane / Watch the rain slam against the windowpane / Lose control and hydroplane into the other lane / Some things in this life we can’t escape / Some things hard enough you wanna open your veins / Regain control / Tighten the grip on the reigns / It’s not a race when you’re traveling against the grain / If bloodstains ain’t gonna make you faint / What will it take for you to finally stake your claim? / Set this life ablaze and throw on your cape / Watch the antihero race down the fire escape / Love to hate hate to love lets complain / Anything to get you through the day / Simply said I could of took your hand / Shoulda pulled you to your feet when you couldn’t stand / Now that you’re gone I am half the man / I could of should of but I didn’t / And that will haunt me to the end / I made the choice / Wrote you off / Bled the pen dry grabbed the pencil til the lead went soft / Now it burns like a smokers cough / I hate to admit it but I’m at a loss because your fate’s the boss / Of my emotions stolen ripped out of my chest / Hoping sleepless nights turn into peaceful rest / But the piece that’s left it isn’t kind at all / I watched grace tumble from the sky / Now I sing this lullaby bye to impending doom / I still hear your laughter in every corner of the room / Memories begin my wits at an end / Still I can’t lend a hand to my friend / I can’t see / I can’t breathe / I can’t comprehend anything in front of me / Ever since you were ripped away from me / I know exactly what it is to truly need / Please if only I could breathe / Maybe I would be able to live in peace / I know we’ll never be able to repeat / It’s out of reach / Forever grabbin at the memories…
Track Name: Cooked
It’s just one of those days he can’t tough it / Out no doubt too much for him to try to rough it / He’s finished finally said fuck it / Contemplate his life sitting on the cig bucket He don’t think he’s ever gonna be happy with self / Smoke it down to the butt feel his fingers melt / Flick it over the rail / Open employee door / This shit-storm can’t be summed up in one metaphor / Music he adores / But if feels like a chore / Puts in 10 hours of work it’s hard to want more / But he do change the attitude Stop! / He’s only got 3 hours on the clock / 7 more he’ll be heading for that door / Must of tracked a million plus steps on these restaurant floors / Worked his way up the ladder hit his head on the ceiling / Burn marks on his arms fingers got no feeling / On your third strike can’t call in sick / Your boss is about as cool as a bag o’ dicks / Submit your self to the torture / It comes easy for ya / Sweatin’ out every bit of moisture / Noon hits catch a cig right before the rush / Who would of thought breaking even would ever be so tough? / He’s capped out at 10 something an hour / Can’t wait til the boss tells him he can hit the showers / Dude come on at least you got a job / Front of the house ain’t nothing but a lot of snobs / Underage hostess with the mostest problems of them all / Choose to pursue you’ll catch a case and that’s your downfall / Talks about it daily / Peacin out this place / Crying wolf separate the real from the fakes / But for now he’ll complain and stay put cooked / Living the lie of an everyday line-cook…
Track Name: Stuck
Stuck in a spot that you can’t get out / Run or stand ground / Scream and shout / Still you can’t figure out what it’s all about / He was so on point the steeple in the distance / Nice day for a wedding / Blurry vision / Not that their future couldn’t work with fixing / It’s just he felt their present wasn’t really mixing / The closer it came the tighter she’s clinging / The colder the day the brighter his vision / Obscured / It’s not what he envisioned as his mission / Go through with it or call it off he loses / What’s the difference? / Relationships to him held no significance / How he was raised this shit was always so meticulous / No call no show didn’t help his heart grow / So why is the doubt now considered ridiculous? / Invitations RSVP’s registrations / One big party then eternity / Car-seats joint bank accounts sharing a piece of the pie that is your mind now there’s no privacy / Rain rain go away / Come come again on another day / Spiderman’s crawling up the spout / Rain came down and it washed the spider out / The walls are closing in / The pressure from within / Live the American dream or lead a life of sin / And what she’s showing him / He’s far too wrecked within / To understand she’s only looking for the best in him / The rest of him head to his toes / Got a little cold second thoughts in the Michigan snow / Blizzard on the main roads / Takes the back way home / All the while closing every open door / In his mind give him a little time / He knows all of these back roads they’re part of his design / Shine the high-beams when the snow falls fine / Or cut the engine if that shit’s over head high / Too bad you almost reached the finish line / Tomorrows just another mountain that you gotta climb / Wait it out / The gauge hovers above the E-line / Pray to god that you can make it out overnight…
Track Name: Old Fashion Love Song
Fresh out the hospital with nowhere to go / December ain’t freezing yet / Just feels like ten below / She came here by herself but she ain’t leaving alone / Asks a stranger for a quarter pre cell-phones / She wasn’t sick just had problems with stomach growth / Conception at 16 in ’76 not status quo / Shunned at school then kicked out of home / Now it’s her against the world / No it’s her and embryo / Called her mom’s dad / He had a heart of gold / Her superhero flying in to save her from the cold / And as she waited the panic took control / How do you teach growth when you’re struggling to stay afloat? / In the truck not a word was spoke / But the love was thick and she started to choke / Healthy baby boy / Ten fingers Ten toes / Lost soul found hope in her armload / Lost in this world
You got nowhere to go / Counted the stars / Looked to heaven / And turned into stone / Everything under the sun you did it alone / Still trying to find a way home / Fresh out the hospital with nowhere to be / And this is for real surreal ain’t ever been on this street / Barefeet concrete over 100 degrees / Tears off his bracelet / The bandage from his I.V. / He puts his face to the breeze / Last chance last call last reason to breathe / Last time he’s ever gonna face the disease / Repeating history / Tears stream when confronted by the memory / Of the night before the horror it speaks / Devouring drinks a gluttonous beast / One’s never enough / 1000’s far from his peak / He don’t partake everyday / Just blacks out twice a week / The doc told him “Kick it” in a stern plea / But quittin’s admission addiction holds jurisdiction / So he grabbed that moment of clarity / Found the words for this beat / Inspiration in his feet…
Track Name: Golden
Today’s a repeat of yesterday / No different from others / Forced my feet in front of another like a helpless lover / I could choose to hide my heart under the covers / Or expose all of the nerve endings the blame falls on no other / Than me / Duh for being stupid / Juan for all of the family I eluded / Yay for the hooray when it’s too late I brace for seclusion / I knew it / By the time I decided to do it / All the words that I replayed in my head escaped and ran down my face in fluids / I’m ruined / Things haven’t exactly been going by plan / And I understand to the fullest extend that you won’t take my hand / Cause you can’t It’s not an answer I demand or a destiny I can command / Just 1,000 unanswered questions that move the pen in my hand / Fuck the man / The guy in the sky I’ve seen the stars will not be jaded / Or misinterpretated for the way my feet fall on the pavement / Let’s face it / Anything we’ve built our god can at anytime erase it
Everything will wilt I’d bring you flowers but like you they never made it / I hate it Still I’m trying to wash my hands clean / The beautiful and the serene is just a faceless face in my dreams I mean / The damage is done / The dirt’s on me /
I’m planning to run / Just to set me free / My dear from here your face in the clouds swirls into the others around / I try to yell but I can’t make a sound / A life like this shouldn’t be allowed / I’ve found out the only way to drown out the background noise Is just another ploy for me to get loud / Enjoy this gift I have to offer / Silenced the silence / I’m screaming bloody murder for a forgotten daughter / And I outta know better / I should probably know my place / In this twisted existence that’s the human race outta my face / If we’re all running the same race / How does an angel get ripped from grace? / Call it a disgrace to how I was raised but fuck you with the last bit of energy I stashed away / Get back on your fairy tale make believe horse and ride away / Killers have families Murderers walking the streets / All I can do is accept the defeat and stare at my feet / And love thy neighbor as long as they’re loving me / And forever rearranging the pieces of fragmented family / Created beauty in your image then made her life tough / And right when she needed you the most it was like / “Time’s up” / Why? Cause you felt she was being called to you? / She screamed your name for years all alone in those dark rooms then forgot about you…
Track Name: The House Of Pain (Is In Effect)
You wanna abstain from feeling pain? / It’s kind of hard when it’s how you choose to start your day / With the same lame call-your-boss-at-the-first-sign-of-rain and explain / “I’m feeling kind of ill today” / And not the good way / No punch lines coming your way / Your car’s been sitting in the yard since last may
June ran through July now you’re dreading August / The thought of Michigan winter’s got you feeling nauseous / Take it easy but always keep it cautious / And realize this life is always gonna serve you raw shit / Woke up in the house of pain / Thinkin bout fools from the previous day / And how I’ll never never ever get my way / And how this life is just a game I gotta play / Woke up in the house of pain / Wishing I was somebody else today / With all the raining and complaining all I’m saying is the house of pain is in effect today / You’re out of pills but you got some more coming / Your only thrill comes from facebook frontin’ / Nothing: Sometimes it can be better than something / I’ve had nothing for years somehow the beat keeps bumpin / Percussion and rhythm and if they tell you not to sin / The first thing you be getting in could be the key to winning / You wanna do what you’re told not to do / Plus it feels good too / Look at you rude dude! / You’re just hiding the pain of something deeper / You’re just hiding your face the cliff gets steeper / Slippery slope clinging onto the last bit of hope Last bit of smoke hope the dope man’s close / Around the bend anybody could meet their end / It’s how you take the corners how fast you drive it just depends
At least you got friends but then again / Friends are just the people that haven’t fucked you over yet…
Track Name: The Route
About 9 pm when I got the call / Soon as I did I knew it wasn’t right at all / With the rise comes the fall / Just got back from Tommy’s straight ballin’ / Not like basketball / Just got done lacing a track laces out / Check my voicemail telephone the man hit the route / Can’t think about what we just accomplished / The rest of what I recall is sketchy / At best a composite / I lost it before I received it / Childhood memories invoking every possible feeling / Upside down on the couch feet to the ceiling / Back when no worries were our only feelings / As kids all we had was one another / And we both grew up missing our mother / And even though they wouldn’t tell me what was up the road I had to wonder / “When was the last time you seen your brother?” / Last time you seen him? / Last time you seen your brother / Yellow lines blurry / Speeding up the street / Thinking of our last encounter summertime on the beach / I saw it in your eyes you were weak / And God forgive me had I known it was the last we’d speak / I would of popped in just to say “What’s up” / Or dropped everything when no one else gave a fuck / Or been the once person in your life you could trust / When it busts up it was never enough / God it was never enough / Hold tight I’m coming for you / There’s a couple things that I gotta do help you through / Beautiful never to cool to drive us to school / Now we’re driving like you used to do late for curfew / Seemed like miles saw your place ahead / Called you endlessly your cell phone’s dead / I need to shake this sense of dread / Hear your voice in person instead of how I’m hearing it in my head / Can’t think that way I’m jumping the gun / It discharged in my hands I’m scared I can’t run / In the light of the night sun all I can picture are your curls / Me: Zero / Fate: One / Completely beaten there’s no way / Can’t drag myself out of the car in her driveway / See the paramedics for them it’s just another day / And the tears make haste and escape down my face / What a beautiful waste…
Track Name: Just One More
He hated the smell of cigarettes in her hair / He also hated her childish games of truth or dare / It breaks his heart just a little to see her smile / In truth it kills him tear his chest open I dare you child / What will it take? / His life-force on a platter? / Or better yet some abstract art constructed of blood splatters / Memory matter intimacy / Translation / He hearts her and she fucks him indifferently / And endlessly she’ll use and abuse / And now they both lose all that they worked so hard to make bloom / So now they amuse the notion that they made it through the ocean / That this ship was far from sinkin / That she didn’t slip him potion / “Momma” he screamed / “How’d you get to be so wicked? / How come I’m the one that tried to give and now I’m gettin the dickin?” / It’s ridiculous the amount of shit he put up with / Still lives with it concerned with poisoning his future kids / God forbid they end up like their daddy did / A check-to-check high school graduate on edge from the damages / Inflicted by obliviousness / This stories too long / Every night he fell asleep alone and sang the song like / I’m your son / Your all that I need / Excuse me while I flee the scene / I learned it by watching you / The best teacher in the history of mankind / Can’t find your hiding place it’s such a mystery / I’m the one that you live and you breathe for / I’ve learned to not hold my breathe when you walk out that door / I know holding that smile is such a chore / But all I need is just one more /
She hated her face / It told of vicious and old / She hated her eyes a thousand stories untold / Watch it unfold / Mirror Mirror on the wall behind the bar / Whose the best hot mess of ‘em all?
“Why you are” / She thought she heard a stranger speak / “That is” she said “The worst pick-up line I heard this week / Buy me an drink and we’ll start from new” / She stumbled through formalities high on booze with an askewed view / Asked her poison / She said whatever’s cheap / It don’t take a whole lot to keep her glued to this seat / She turned to the stranger suddenly couldn’t speak / The man before her looked familiar / Order another this one’s too weak / She recognized him from a picture she kept in her purse / Stashed away the memories and tried to hide the hurt / For what it’s worth the man standing in front of her’s not here to flirt / He knows she’s never gonna quench that thirst / She never thought he’d be the one to tear open the sutures / God’s greatest gift to creature / Inability to see the future / He’s on the chase she’s forever on the run / Pleads his case of the long lost son / She turned and said / I was a mother / I had some kids / But what I did I know it’s never left them so instead they did / They left me by myself with addictions and the memories / But most of them are faded out from chemically altered substances / Replaced a child’s embrace / Even if I saw them / I couldn’t place their face / I’ll hold this smile while the bartender pours / Cause all I need is just one more…
Track Name: Devil Town
Cigarette butts and broken glass cover the ground / I’m prayin luck will save me from the devils town / Addicts and fiends gather from miles around / Lost souls black holes they don’t wanna be found / That fat dude in the back wears the crown / He’s got the coldest shit hands down / The snow cones got em frozen they don’t make a sound / Pound for pound the coolest spot around / Yer part of the ecosystem cant critisize / Or think it’s strange the suns hurting your eyes / Bite yer tounge taste the blood yer alive / Sleep through the day and come to life at night / Look in the mirror disturbed I’m talking stupefied / There’s no reflection just some vultures flying high / In the sky Death is comin so invite me inside / Pale skin sunken eyes gimme a bite / I left the people I mistook for friends behind / I took a deep breathe an even deeper look in my mind
And if your minds even a little like mine / Don’t be surprised at what you find / A set of horns finding warmth under my skull / Chipped hoofs and a belly that’s never full / Fanged teeth widda smile of a wolf / I would say I got took but you cant take from the crook…
Track Name: Lovers
Ten years young / Another lifeless afternoon / Waited till he was at practice / Then he made his move / See older brother didn’t like anyone in his room / And little brother never understood his attitude / Scopes the Mike posters from the wheaties boxes / Everything in it’s place down to his matching socks / He’s feeling the heat it’s getting hot In a tight spot / Get’s caught he’ll probably take some shots / Hit the deck under the bed / That’s where we hide the stuff / Journals, sketches / Some people even hide their smut / But what he found that day was more than luck / Took it back to his room hooked it up and fell in love / His favorite tapes discarded / He’s on them compact discs / And kid bro’s only looking for a piece that fits / How he feels since then the music never quit / Now feel the beat hit / Ten years later plus a year came to age / What a day to wash away the problems and share their pain / See older sister just got discharged the other day / And little brother never knew no other way / Reminiscing plus the liquor’s got their thinking twisted / Prescription pills / Fulfilling their life’s ambitions / Wishing in-between coke and weed intermissions / She could of helped him more / Now she helps him with his drinking / Conversation moves forward toward past regret / The heart-to-hearts he knows he’ll never forget / But then again maybe it’s all in his head / It’s hard to tell because he hasn’t seen her since / Getting drunk with the one’s you love is the epitome / And just maybe this sober life is killing me / And forever I’ll hate the fading history / But we were lovers in our misery…